Away From Home
by Amphitrite II
Summary: Ginny leaves. Luna learns to stand on her own. :::Ginny/Luna femslash:::


**Away From Home**  
**By Amphitrite  
**.  
.  
.  
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_Ginny leaves. Luna learns to stand on her own.  
_**Disclaimer:** This story is based on _Harry Potter_ and its characters and situations, all created and owned by J.K. Rowling.  
**Warnings: **Femslash.

* * *

_One of these days  
__I won't be afraid of being with you  
__I hope and I pray  
__Waiting to find my way back to you  
__'Cause that's where I'm home_

- _One of These Days,_ Michelle Branch

* * *

Ginny left on Christmas Eve.

* * *

It has been one week since Ginny left. Luna can't concentrate on anything.

She stands at the counter in the small kitchen, chopping up oregano leaves. She glances distractedly at the knife whilst cutting the green leaves. It is one of a set they had received as a wedding gift. She sighs and the knife slips. Luna sighs. Now there is a long cut on her index and middle fingers, and a leaf is drenched in blood.

"Merry Christmas," she whispers bitterly.

* * *

It has been three weeks since Ginny left.

Luna wishes for the simple days at Hogwarts. The days before the war, when her biggest worry was trying to get her belongings back from the people who had stolen them. She remembers being teased and talked of behind her back by the other kids, accepting it all without being hurt or angry. She admires the emotional strength she had as a child and wishes she were still that strong. But she has seen too much.

When her mother was killed and she was only nine, she didn't cry. She only asked her father where Mummy was now. Her father had gently explained that she was on a permanent holiday in a beautiful place, one that Luna herself would be traveling to one day; one day, all three of them would be united again, after death. Luna had smiled and said, "I'm glad. I can't wait until I get to travel there." Her father had tried to smile, rubbing tearstains off his face.

When her father was murdered by the Death Eaters, Luna was sixteen. And that was when everything changed. She stopped reading _The Quibbler_, began investigating and getting all her belongings back, and hexed anyone who mentioned her father in a less-than-kind way. This was when Ginny had approached her.

Luna sighs. Why does everything always seem to go back to Ginny?

* * *

It has been four months since Ginny left.

Ginny is beginning to resent Luna. She is ruining all of Ginny's one-night stands, though indirectly. Every night that Ginny goes out to drink, the same thing happens over and over again.

"Hey," Ginny says to the cute blonde downing her Firewhiskey impressively. She tries to convince herself that the color of the girl's hair has nothing to do with trying to substitute Luna.

The girl looks up at Ginny from underneath her long eyelashes and after eyeing her appreciatively, licks her glossy bottom lip in a blatant coquettish manner. "Hey, sweetie," she says sweetly, almost purring. She motions for the barman, who procures another glass of Firewhiskey.

Later that night, as the two tumble in bed (or sometimes against a wall or in a restroom stall or in a deserted alley—whatever is most convenient), Ginny cannot help but notice how the stranger's hands aren't soft like Luna's, how her cry is higher pitched than Luna's, and how she isn't nearly as shapely as Luna. She reaches her climax with her eyes clenched shut and lips pressed shut.

Without another word, she gets dressed and leaves.

She sleeps with a different woman every night, and yet she isn't happy.

In the quiet moments, she sometimes wonders if she made a mistake.

* * *

It has been six months since Ginny left.

Luna, sitting alone in the living room of their flat, pats her growing stomach nervously. She is pregnant again, and scared. This time Ginny won't be there to hold her hand. Luna is a brave and independent girl, but Ginny's comfort is special. Was special. She doesn't know anymore. She stares at the television screen and raises the remote controller to change the station. She hates this channel.

Hours later, she glances at the time. Cho should be back with Elizabeth, Luna's child, any time. She looks around. The windows are still boarded up. Floating candles glow eerily with blue, green, pink, orange, and purple light. There are no electric outlets.

* * *

It has been one year since Ginny left. 

Ginny is having tea with Hannah Abbott, an old friend and past lover. She is looking very pretty nowadays, blonde hair highlighted, delectable pink lips slightly parted as she takes a sip from her teacup, and a black ribbon tied primly around her neck. Ginny knows if she kissed her right now she would make a sweet, content noise that Ginny has always loved. Ginny knows she would kiss her if she weren't with Helen. She stares at the manicured fingers tapping the tabletop thoughtfully. She looks up when Hannah speaks.

"So, how is Luna these days?"

Ginny stiffens at the name, all thoughts of how kissing those pretty lips and wrapping a hand around those lovely fingers gone. She stirs a scoop of sugar into her tea absentmindedly and looks away.

"I wouldn't know," is all she can say. Her voice sounds rough and wispy, as if she has been crying. She hasn't cried for a long time.

Hannah peers at her curiously. "You two haven't… Have you?"

"We were never really in it for anything other than the sex," she lies. "We thought it was better to end it. It's not like it was really anything, anyway." _Lies,_ her mind whispers to her. _Just keep lying and maybe it'll become reality. Not._ She winces in guilt and hopes that Hannah hasn't noticed.

Tap, tap, go Hannah's shiny fingernails. Hannah is frowning.

"I always thought you two were…" she trails off, gaze flickering to Ginny's empty left ring finger. Ginny notices and clenches her fist.

"No, just fuck buddies." Even in her head the words sting. Hannah looks aghast at the crude title. Ginny looks away. She knows Luna would have slapped her if she had heard those words spoken. Their relationship had never revolved around sex, unlike with most of Ginny's girlfriends. She sighs and stands up, pretending to check her watch.

"Well, I guess it's time for me to go," she says, offering Hannah a falsely regretful smile. Hannah nods and flashes her a brilliant smile.

"It was nice talking to you again, Ginny. Feel free to call me anytime."

Ginny smiles tightly and nods. She pulls her cloak on and walks out of the café.

Clickity, click, go Ginny's stilettos.

Back at the small table, Hannah's pretty pink lips are pressed together and she is frowning.

* * *

It has been two years since Ginny left.

Dearest Helen is her lover, now. They have been together for a year and seven months. Ginny is amazed that they have lasted this long. Usually her relationships last a month max. She wonders if Helen is special, like Luna was. Or maybe Ginny is just growing up.

Helen turns in her sleep and burrows her head into the nook where Ginny's neck and shoulder meet. Ginny strokes her dark hair gently and watches her girlfriend sleep. Helen is a small, shy girl. _She is beautiful,_ Ginny thinks, as she runs her hand down the pale cheek. Helen's skin is fair, horrible for hiding scars or blemishes of any kind. Ginny loves it anyway. She loves touching it in all the right places and kissing it all over and attacking it with love bites. And Helen returns the favor.

She is a pretty, albeit rather normal girl. She likes chocolate and roses and long walks on the beach. Her hobbies include shopping, fine dining, and reading romantic poetry. Ginny thinks she is wonderful. But sometimes, when she is feeling thoughtful, she wonders if she is trying to shove the memories of Luna into the deep, abandoned crevices of her mind. Helen is so opposite from Luna in almost every way—from the black hair and the dark eyes to her simple normality and open affection.

Ginny sighs. Sometimes she wants Luna back. Sometimes she misses her eccentricities, what with her strange jewelry and eerie calmness and—and that wand tucked primly behind her ear. Ginny bites her bottom lip, hard. She won't deny that she misses Luna. She made Ginny laugh, she always cheered her up when she felt down, she was extremely loyal and devoted in her own ways, and… Every time Ginny walked into the room her entire face would light up and the most beautiful smile would appear upon her face.

Ginny squeezes her eyes shut and tries to will the images away. _You are with Helen, now,_ she tells herself firmly. _Luna…There is no more Luna in your life._ But try as she does, she still has lingering feelings—feelings transcending mere infatuation.

She wraps an arm tightly around Helen and pushes the memories away.

* * *

It has been five years since Ginny left.

Shane is already four years old and Elizabeth has finally turned seven.

They now have enough sense to not ask why they only have one mummy.

Luna is twenty-seven and tired of everything in the world.

She wants her lovely girl back.

* * *

It has been six years since Ginny left.

Luna is out to dinner with Cho, who has been a flurry of blue silk and black hair all day. It is Luna's birthday.

A Muggle Christmas light dangles from one ear and a seashell from the other. She is in a white dress and worn black jeans. Cho smiles at her fondly and takes her hand. Luna lets her.

Her birthday present is a ring. It is beautiful but not ostentatious—just the way Luna likes it. Cho's eyes are bright and full of hope as she says softly, "And maybe one day you'll let me buy you a ring to replace _that_ one." She looks pointedly at the ring on Luna's left fourth finger.

Luna swallows as she is jolted back to reality.

"Cho, I've already told you. That's not going to happen. Just give it up and go for someone not pathetic and weak and still attached to the girl who left her."

"Luna, please…"

"Save it," Luna snaps.

Cho fails to hide the hurt in her eyes. She nods. "Sorry," she mutters, her voice full of resent and disappointment.

Luna looks away. She hates this, too.

* * *

It has been seven years since Ginny left.

Ginny crumples up parchment for what feels like the hundredth time today. At least ten pieces of paper are scattered on the floor under and around the desk. Two quills lie broken on the desk. She is on her third one now. She sighs in frustration. It is so difficult putting her feelings on paper. How do you tell someone who you love but left seven years ago that the only reason you ever left was because you were afraid of being loved back?

Ginny bites her lip and puts the tip of the quill to the paper.

_Dear Luna,_ she writes.

* * *

It has been eight years since Ginny left, and seven months since their reunion. 

"Ginny," Luna says quietly, clasping her hands in her lap in the fashion of a nervous schoolgirl. Ginny smiles brilliantly at her.

"Hmm?"

"I can't do this anymore."

Ginny is puzzled. "Do what?"

"_This_." Luna gestures at the air around them vaguely. "Me. You. Us. I can't do this anymore," she repeats desperately. "I love you so much, Gin, you know that. When you left, I felt like I had died. Without you, I was nothing. I pined away hopelessly for you, awaiting that one wonderful day when you'd return and I promised myself that I would never let you go, never again." Her eyes are stinging with tears and she tilts her head slightly upwards so they do not fall out. Ginny knows what she is doing and reaches for Luna's hand, but the other girl pulls her hand back and looks away. She misses Ginny's faintly hurt expression. "So I waited. And waited. And waited. You never came back. And then I heard about Helen. I wanted to cry until my eyes were raw and rip her lungs out at the same time. Cho loved me once. If only I was willing to let it happen more than that one time when I was terribly drunk." She shakes her head, returning to the present topic. "And now you're back. I should be happy—I know I should—, but I'm not." Ginny's eyes are wide, and Luna rushes to explain. "I mean—I _am_ happy that you're back, of course I am. But there's a part of me that just cannot stop worrying about the possibility of you walking out again." Luna clenches her eyes shut. "I don't think I can do this again. I never want to hurt like that ever again, Ginny. I'm afraid…"

"Luna… I'm afraid, too. You weren't the only one hurt." Ginny's tone is soft, soothing, cool, like menthol. But Luna is not pacified, for Ginny's words override the sound of her voice.

"Oh, yeah, you were hurt, too. Of _course_, how could I forget? Because walking out on your wife _while she is pregnant with your child_ is something that you just couldn't help!"

Ginny cringes at the accusation. "Just because I did it doesn't mean I wanted to…"

"Oh, now you're saying that you didn't want to. So if you didn't want to, then why the hell did you do it in the first place?"

"I've told you a hundred times! I was terrified of our love—remember, you were the first girl I'd ever had a serious relationship with! I didn't know what to do with me, you, with everything! And having a child… I wasn't ready to raise children! I was still a child myself. I wanted to see the world…"

"If you didn't want love, if you didn't want a real relationship, if you only wanted a one-time shag, then why did you marry me, Ginny? Why did you propose to me? Why did you go through the trouble if you just wanted my body…and not me?"

"I don't want your body!" Ginny exclaims. Her eyes widen a little. "I mean, I do—you're more beautiful than anyone else on the planet. But I wasn't just after the sex! And I don't regret proposing to you. I don't regret marrying you! I was just scared!"

"Scared," Luna repeats flatly. "If you were so scared, why didn't you just tell me? I thought we had promised each other full and complete honesty. I just woke up one morning—_Christmas morning, _for God's sake!_ —_and you were gone, with only a note left behind. Don't you think that I was scared too? What I don't understand is why you hadn't thought of what your departure would do to me!"

"Luna, I don't want to argue about this."

Luna is frowning, upset. The expression upon her face is one of disbelief.

"Well I _do_!"

"Luna…"

"Stop saying my name!" Luna demands uncharacteristically. Ginny flinches. The other customers peer at the two curiously. "You don't deserve to say it. You don't deserve _me_, Ginny." Even though she is the one speaking, she is surprised by the harshness of her own words. But she realizes that it's true. Ginny doesn't deserve her. Ginny doesn't deserve the title of wife, mother, or beloved. Ginny abandoned her at the peak of their marriage. Ginny is a _slut_.

It is too late when Luna realizes that she had been saying her train of thoughts aloud. The expression on Ginny's face is one that Luna will never forget for the rest of her life. Her blue eyes are wide and pained, her mouth is open, and there is something about the look on her face that just screams hurt. And then, a tear slides down her cheek.

Both girls freeze. Ginny hasn't cried in years and is shocked by her own lack of restraint. Luna has only seen Ginny cry twice. Once, back at Hogwarts in their fifth year when she and Ron got in a row about her sexuality; and when the casualties of the final battle of the war had been announced, including her father, Charlie, Fred, and Ron. Luna shakes her head to clear it of the horrid memories, and focuses on the girl sitting before her. The tear slips down to land on the table. Ginny clenches her fists tightly and her entire body stiffens. She draws in a deep breath, preparing herself for the last step, the one that will change both of their lives forever.

"Goodbye, Luna dearest. I would have given everything up for you, but I guess you wouldn't appreciate it…or want it. Because I'm just a filthy dirty _slut_, right? Well, that's all right, I guess. Maybe it's time for me to settle down with Mum at last." Her eyes lose focus for a moment, lost in a memory. She smiles wryly. "It's been nice knowing you. Thanks for everything and thanks for nothing." She stands up. "I'll have my attorney contact yours."

She takes one last look at Luna, who appears petrified. But then she looks up to meet Ginny's eyes, and Ginny clenches her eyes shut at the sight of all the hurt, anger, desperation, and confusion in those beautiful silver irises. She feels Luna take her hand and place something in it—something cool and light—and then close the fist over the mystery object. She opens her eyes and opens her hand. In the middle of her palm sits Luna's silver wedding ring. Ginny bites her lip. _It's really ending,_ she thinks sadly to herself.

"I wish it could have worked out," Ginny says softly. Luna, who is standing before Ginny, scrunches her face up and cannot resist giving Ginny one last hug. Ginny's arms come around Luna's waist and squeeze her tightly, almost unwilling to let go.

_This is what it could've been… This is what it has all come to. This is…the end, _Luna thinks, and wants to cry at the thought. Ginny's words ring through her head: _I wish it could've worked out._

"Me too," she answers quietly. They hold each other, knowing that it will be the last time. Neither want to be the first to let go, but it is Ginny that finally backs away. Their eyes meet, gazes both loving and pained at the same time. "Just tell me one thing, Gin," Luna says solemnly. Ginny nods. "Do you regret what we had? Do you regret…us?"

Ginny pauses, but instead of looking away like she wants to, she keeps eye contact between the two. She wants Luna to know that she is being honest.

"No."

And then she is gone.

Luna watches her one love walk away. Each step carries Ginny a little farther from Luna, from their relationship, from everything they had established together. One, two, three, four, five. She's out of the restaurant. Strangely enough, Luna doesn't feel like crying. She isn't angry or heartbroken or frightened. She just feels empty. The part of her that belongs solely to Ginny dies the moment she steps out of that door. And without the wedding ring, the fourth finger on Luna's left hand does not seem to exist.

* * *

It has been nine years since Ginny left.

Ginny wears Luna's wedding ring on a chain around her neck. When she is out finding girls, people are always wondering what it is—and why she still wears her own wedding ring on her fourth finger. She always hesitates before telling some lie about how she likes the way it looks on her hand, and how Luna's ring is an heirloom given to her by her mother. The girls never seem to genuinely care, anyway. For that, Ginny is glad.

She still misses Luna. It had been Ginny that officially ended what they had, but Luna had been the one to bring it up—and call her a slut. Ginny doesn't feel angry about being called that anymore. She remembers back at school when that was her reputation: the resident school lesbian slut. It used to make her furious, but she always pretended to be indifferent to all the name-calling. Cho Chang used to call her a "sly bitch of a slut that liked tricking naïve straight girls into bed". Cho was one of the only lesbian, bisexual, or bicurious girls at Hogwarts that Ginny had never kissed.

She remembers the hearing, standing before all those people and not being able to say a single negative thing about her wife (ex-wife, now, she reminds herself sadly). Luna, on the other hand, had told everyone almost everything wrong Ginny had ever done. During the breaks, Ginny had attempted to get to Luna, to at least say hello, but she had never gotten the chance. Luna had been attached to Cho Chang's hip the entire time. She hadn't spared Ginny a single glance outside of the courtroom.

It had broken the little sliver of Ginny's heart that had remained intact.

She wonders what Cho is to Luna. An acquaintance? A friend? A lover? A girlfriend? Not a fiancé, she knows. She knows Luna well enough to know that she won't wed again. (She hopes.)

Ginny does not want Luna sleeping with other women. It is horribly hypocritical, but she knows she will never give her heart to any of the girls she sleeps with. But Luna—Luna is not one for one-night stands or for-the-hell-of-it-shags. When Luna beds someone, she expects them to give it their all—heart included. If she and Cho are—

Ginny swallows.

She hopes that they will be happy together.

Even if Cho is a stupid arrogant bitch that doesn't even come close to deserving Luna anyway.

* * *

It has been nineteen years since Ginny left.

Luna is dead.

Ginny dons a black outfit and a blank face to the funeral. She watches the coffin being lowered into the ground as the mourners—two of them are her very own children, but they do not recognize her (one has never even met her)—sob and dab their plastic faces with silk handkerchiefs. She doesn't cry. Luna is dead. She's not sad—she's angry. Not at Luna, no. She's angry at the world, and she's angry at the inebriated teenager who ran her over, because if anyone had ever deserved to live, it was Luna. Luna with her bright silver eyes and tangled hair and crooked smile and ringing laugh. Luna with her tender kisses and sneaky tongue and nimble fingers and her wedding ring glinting in the light. (Ginny briefly touches the ring.) Luna with her sly wit and strange sense of humor and her eerie calmness.

Luna, who she once loved with all her heart.

Ginny bites her lip and leaves.

* * *

It has been forty-three years since Ginny left.

She visits Luna's grave once every year, on their wedding anniversary.

This year, she has something special for her: her wedding ring. She makes a small hole in the dirt with her hands and buries the ring in it. She hastily wipes her eyes with the backs of her dirty hands.

"I still love you," she whispers, and walks away from Luna for the last time.

* * *

It has been sixty-five years since Ginny left.

Ginny is buried next to Luna. It had been one of her two requests in her last will and testament; the other had been that she be buried with her wedding ring.

She is glad to be with her girl at last.


End file.
